Yes, it has been a while. Trust me, I'd rather be sharing a tale of two months of fun and frolic, but unfortunately, that isn't going to be the case.
As you may remember, my Dad has been battling both lymphoma and pancreatic cancer. We were hopeful that the latter had been removed via a very nasty, extensive surgery. He had started up with chemo for the lymphoma, which seemed to be going very well. The chemo was a bitch, but he was keeping a stiff upper lip, as is Dad's way. The biggest issue was the recurrent fevers, which happened about a week in to each course. His blood grew out bacteria, which was thought to be the problem. He went on antibiotics, the fevers went away, and we went on.
Thanksgiving came, and Dad couldn't enjoy it with the family because of the fevers. Soon after the holiday, he was back in the hospital with another fever. More bacteria grew out of his blood. As part of the workup, the docs did a CT scan, which showed spots on his liver. We were told it was most likely the pancreatic cancer that had spread, and that Dad was unlikely to see 6 months.
Merry Christmas.
The biopsy, however, gave us a different diagnosis: liver abscess. Dad was put on six weeks of home antibiotics, got a one month reprieve from chemo, and was able to enjoy the holiday. Two weeks later, the follow-up CT showed the spots were increasing. The biopsy this time wasn't good. It is the cancer.
So, my Dad is dying. God, that's hard to write. Right now, though, he feels great. He has gained weight back, is active, and seems to have taken the news as a call to arms. He is now in the process of, for lack of a better term, checking off items on his own personal bucket list. Mom is encouraging him to ask for anything that would make him happy. They're hoping to get up to Maine one last time to partake of the lobsters, as well as take a trip to a bed and breakfast they frequent once or twice every year. We're going out the the local Brazilian steakhouse Thursday--a place Dad has never thought reasonable to visit because of its cost.
This isn't easy. It's a day by day thing. You just hope there are going to be a lot of good days before the bad ones arrive. Right now, it's all about making it to one important event, then moving on to the next. He needs to get to Toledo to watch my nephew play basketball, then my niece is the title character in "Annie" at the end of March. It would be awesome for things to be good through June, when he and Mom are to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
We just don't know. Day by day.
So, on top of all of this, I met a guy. We started dating soon after the abscess diagnosis, which was very good timing. I thought we were hitting it off, at least it seemed that way from everything he was saying. Then the lines of communication shut down. I haven't seen him since just after Christmas, and every time I actually have been able to make contact, he has had one excuse after another about why he can't see me. I think I'm being blown off, but I really hate the cowardice of not telling me straight up. On top of all that's going on with Dad, I have been an emotional waste product of late.
Thankfully, I have my friends and my job to take my mind off stuff. There's some knitting, too, but you'll excuse me if I don't get too picturesque tonight. I promise the happy Leona will return in due course.